Patricia I. Issa
I might look very very ungrateful… I most probably look like I am, most kids probably look like they are.
I live in a different house.
I visit once a week.
When I am around, I wake up too late for morning coffee.
My chatty giiggly mood kicks when everyone is asleep.
I pack and fly without permissions.
Sometimes I come back home late and just crash.
Sometimes my head is buried deep in my laptop that I do not listen.
I change houses, cars and career directions without asking for advice.
And I definitely have developed a level of isolation that makes me look unreachable.
What you do not know, what most fathers do not know, is that you’re always on my mind.
I think of you whenever I make a decision; I wonder if it would make you proud.
I think of you whenever I redirect my career; I remember the look you gave me every time I was on a podium collecting a degree.
I think of you whenever I am away, doing by myself all the things you used to do for me, and worrying by myself about all the issues I used to throw on you back home.
I think of you whenever I fly, I remember how anxious you were when I traveled alone for the first time.
I think of you whenever I am stressed out about the future, I remember how good it feels to have a safety net all the time.
I think of you whenever I am on a date, laughing deep inside, knowing how hard it will be for any man to match the example you set for me.
I think of you whenever I feel my life is falling apart, knowing only you can pull me back together.
I think of you whenever I feel I am alone, and the feeling just vanishes.
The truth is, I think of you all the time, and whatever I do, I do it for you.
I am just really really bad at expressing it, and acting like it; I look careless, I most probably look like I am, most kids look like they are.
Happy Fathers’ Day…